Now that I am moving into the next chapter of this journey, I have created a post with links to 60+ Days on the Mat from beginning to end. I became more open with each passing day because I needed to, but also because very few women are willing to talk openly about using an egg donor. It often creates shame where none should be. Each entry can stand on its own, but the journey makes a little more sense read in order.
On November 3, 2012, I received the call that the final in vitro fertilization cycle (IVF) with my 43-year old eggs had failed. To have the baby my husband and I longed for, I now had to choose between an egg donor and adoption. Unable to let go of the idea of carrying a child, I turned to egg donation – and yoga — as the answer.
On November 16, I attended a yoga retreat after more than a seven-year absence. What I wrote upon my return opened the floodgates of years of infertility anguish. Regular yoga classes followed.
After selecting our donor, I decided to attend yoga classes for 60 days in a row and to blog about the experience. On Monday, November 25, I wrote the first post, titling it 60 Days on the Mat – Day 1: Get UN-Organized.
Ultimately this memoir was nothing about getting organized or unorganized, but instead about letting go. It became a gathering of the stories and the memories of my life as an only child. As it progresses, I find myself replacing the sadness over the demise of my genetic line with the excitement and anticipation of something deeper and richer – the belief that a Mama will be blossoming.
What started as a superficial time-filler while waiting to begin my egg donation cycle developed into a memoir chronicling my life and culminating with my true acceptance of my egg donor and ultimately, the complete surrender to what is and what will be.
By the time of my last post on February 1, 2013, the embryos were put back into me. I felt so ready to be a Mama. On February 11, after 67 days on the yoga mat and 10 days of waiting it out for the test, I got the news: I am going to be one!
This and THAT.
Chicken n’ Dumplings With Gratitude
60 Days On the Mat
Day 1: Get UN-Organized
Day 2: No Biscuit Cutter Required
Day 3: Live Like You Were Dying
Day 4: It’s Raining Chaos, I’m Going To Yoga
Day 5: Getting Connected
Day 6: Where Are My Familiars?
Day 7: Community Rebirth
Day 8: Just Being
Day 9: Release Into It
Day 10: And So It Begins
Day 11: Forgiveness
Day 12: We’ll Always Have Amsterdam
Day 13: Then You Stand, Yes.
Day 14: Looking Back Laughing
Day 15: Chapter Closed
Day 16: Aunt Viola’s Shoes
Day 17: Move Over, Fear
Day 18: My Children Will Starve
Day 19: In Search Of Grace
Day 20: Before We Turn To Stone
Day 21: Traditions
Day 22: Don’t Wait To Live
Day 23: Empty and Mundane
Day 24: History In the Making
Day 25: Don’t Over Think It
Day 26: Stories, Stories, Stories
Day 27: Look Beyond the Backyard
Day 28: Happy Birthday, Mark
Day 29: Christmas Eve
Day 30: Christmas Day and I’m Half Way!
Day 31: Meaningful Happiness
Day 32: If Heaven Wasn’t So Far Away
Day 33: Tall Terry From Texas
Day 34: In Memory of Charles Scott Turner
Day 35: Age Is Just a Number, Isn’t It?
Day 36: New Year’s Eve
Day 37: New Year’s Day, Old Songs and Old Friends
Day 38: We’ve Come a Long Way, Baby
Day 39: Could I Have This Dance?
Day 40: From the Moment Of Devastation
Day 41: Let. It. Go.
Day 42: See Me! See Me!
Day 43: It’s Around the Corner
Day 44: Yeah, My Jeans Fit
Day 45: Reflections
Day 46: I Love You, I Hate You
Day 47: Soul Connections
Day 48: Get Some Sleep
Day 49: What’s Your Story?
Day 50: Just Fishin’
Day 51: Every Day’s a Good Day!
Day 52: When You Say Nothing At All
Day 53: What Happened To Letters?
Day 54: Some Kind Of Ride
Day 55: Reach Your Heart Forward
Day 56: Role Models and Road Trips
Day 57: I Have a Dream
Day 58: Make No Assumptions
Day 59: Patient Eggs
Day 60: Head Full Of Doubt / Road Full Of Promise
60+ Days On the Mat
Day 61: A Dozen Eggs?
Day 62: Every Storm Runs Out Of Rain
Day 63: Dear Chicken n’ Dumplings Girl
Day 64: Chai
Day 65: Support
Day 66-68: The End Is the Beginning?
The Wait: Update One 3dp5dt — Rhythm of Life
The Wait: Update Two 4dp5dt — Yeah, I’m Weird
The Wait: The Final Update
YES. The End IS the Beginning.