I can always feel when my life is on the cusp of a major change. I start purging and ordering and pushing things out which no longer serve any purpose. I listen to show tunes. I watch Hart to Hart reruns. I lament about how much I miss the 80’s.
This is all a form of internal rebellion.
Sometimes everything in your life is pushing you — or in some cases pulling you — to head in a new direction. I am not the kind of person who lets those sorts of internal rumblings go. I never have. I tend to start heading there, if only subliminally.
With every major life change I’ve ever been through, first comes the thought bubble containing the vision. The thought bubble showing the desire. Some people cut out pictures and put them on a vision board, some people keep it in their head and some people let life happen without much thought to it at all. Today many people visualize with the help of the world’s largest vision board, Pinterest.
My biggest goal for the year is to move. There I’ve said it out loud. This is not a well kept secret for those who know me. I don’t mean a small neighborhood change move, but a life altering move. A move far away from our current residence. This particular thought bubble has me pinning a lot of home stuff for a home in the future.
Sometimes if we work too much in the future it depresses the present. I think you have to find the balance on getting where you want to go without losing site of where you are.
My husband says I am a dreamer and he is a work horse. He is right about one thing, I am the only dreamer in this relationship — but I too am a work horse and can get easily bogged down in what must be done and forget where I want to go.
Life is not just about what happens to you, it’s about how you happen to life. Having a vision I am accountable to is everything for me.
My practical side can easily push the dreamer to the curb, until one morning (like today) you wake up and go into your office, stand in the doorway and cry.
My office is an embarrassment. I feel neither creative or inspired when I sit at my desk. I hate to go in there. Apparently, it now makes me cry. Of course, that could also be hormones. I am after all, 45. The only thing I love is the self-portrait charcoal of my Mom on the wall, my great-grandfather’s pocket watch and a Tex Moore painting.
The things I love are buried amidst the crap. It’s one of my biggest pet peeves, and yet, here is my office.
I don’t even know what to say about this. It’s humiliating. I broke my chair and never replaced it because if I have to look at (much less spend money on) one more ugly, black office chair, I’ll scream … so currently I choose to borrow my husband’s ugly black office chair or kneel on the floor. It’s so uninspiring I don’t even know what kind of chair to buy.
You might be asking yourself, why on earth would she reveal such chaos?
They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.
Friends, I have a problem.
I reveal this giant eyesore hoping I might actually fix it from the shame I feel from having shared it. Of course, again, I’m 45 and completely comfortable in my imperfections. At this point, the only person I feel any need to impress is myself.
And she is one tough customer.
What’s under that desk? I have no idea. I have not been able to look underneath it since before the babies were born. I just keep re-stacking it neatly, though it looks particularly bad right now because I have been throwing stuff out in that trash bag.
I don’t know what to say about this corner. Bill Clinton was president when that television was purchased. That television weighs more than both of my children combined.
This is my husband’s desk which has become a receptacle for random hats. The picture is crooked. You already know how I feel about the black leather desk chair. The sight of it makes me cringe. It’s worse than a man lounge chair, it’s a man desk chair. It takes up half the room.
Meet Sterling the penguin.
My husband loves Sterling. I bought this penguin butler for him one Christmas before we lived together. I had no idea when I married Jonathan, I was marrying Sterling … and the 20 year old stereo system in our living room. Sterling is going to be a part of our lives for as long as he can hold up that tray and see through that monocle.
I now embrace Sterling. Who am I kidding, I love Sterling.
I think Sterling deserves a better office.
I recently wrote about all of the things we had purged. The things we did not use or did not LOVE. For the record, it did not include this room. And yet, in many ways, this room is the most important room. This is the room where I need to go every day and feel a sense of accomplishment, and instead I run back to my bed and work on my laptop. I like my bed, but every Feng Shui book ever written will tell you not to work there.
One of the reasons it looks like this is that I have twin toddlers and there is very little time for me to spend in here beyond working. But, the number one reason it looks like this is because I am somewhat ambivalent about this house. I am way out of love with it. In fact, if this house were a marriage, we’d be divorced.
But, we need to get along right now for the sake of the children.
This is the office I have today. It’s completely imperfect. Embrace it anyway. The wanna be perfectionist in me hates it, but the person who stood in the doorway and cried this morning … that person needs to make it better.
Sometimes it’s taking little steps in life — like fixing up a work space, or cleaning out a closet, or hiding small cosmetic imperfections with a glue gun and some paint — that can impact your life for the better. Changing your environment literally can change your life. I have always believed that. I think our homes are a living work of art, constantly changing and evolving. Reflections of where we’ve been, where we are and where we’re going. If your environment is stagnant, your life is stalling.
Appreciate the life in front of you, so you can find the life waiting for you. Okay, Oprah?
Seriously, being grateful in the present moment, opens up so many possibilities. I really thought I was, until I walked into my office this morning …
So, office, it’s time we became friends. I don’t have to marry you, I just need to date you for awhile so I can get some work done without bursting into tears.
This is my inspiration board for this very small project. The transformation from a dull, drab work space to a creative space.
It takes more imagination than money to make that happen. Do you have any spaces in dire need of a makeover?
Start pinning and re-doing. We’ll both feel better.
I’ll keep you posted on how it goes with before and after pictures at the end of the month.
Happy Monday ~