Happy. New. Year.
I love new beginnings. I love the feeling of starting over fresh. It’s probably why I always have a Good Will bag full of stuff. Out with the old, in with the new.
Sometimes I am glad to see a year go and sometimes I find myself looking back lovingly, hoping we can meet again. And yet, I know we can’t.
We can’t (or should I say I can’t?) obsess about things like — not having gotten The Dumpling’s footprints at the hospital. Are they going to be a size 13 before I have time in my day to do this? And then I try to remember the last time I went looking for my own hand and footprints in my baby book. It’s not that I don’t enjoy looking at my tiny little prints, but would I disown my mother if I couldn’t? Would I even really notice?
No and No.
2013 was life changing for my immediate nuclear family. I experienced the greatest joy I have ever known.
It was also a tragic year. The loss of my cousin was hard. I find myself pretending it was all a bad dream, though I know it wasn’t. My heart aches the most for his children, his father and sister. It’s the sort of loss that brings everlasting pain. The loss of a child. I understand this more now than I ever have.
Last year I had but one intention as I embarked on the new year. To get pregnant and have a baby. I was blessed twice and I thank God for it every morning — sometimes really early in the morning. Having a child is nothing short of a miracle and I never want to lose sight of that.
Despite a pregnancy riddled with nausea and fatigue, I somehow managed to keep blogging. I look back and wish I had done more, but in the end I did what I could and that was enough.
2014 is a new beginning for this chapter in our lives. It will bring a new blogging schedule and new things to blog about. I’ve put a lot of energy into this blog and I would like to keep it going for the boys, and even more importantly — a creative outlet for me. I need that. Everyone needs a hobby and passion. This is mine; at least for now.
After Mommy-hood, of course …
Where the blog is concerned, my main goal for the new year is to post something every day. I am starting a picture series called The Daily Dumplings to help me achieve this.
You see, I have this amazing camera. A Nikon D600. It is way more camera than I know what to do with, so the first order of business is to take a photography class — which my husband has graciously agreed to let me do for six Thursday nights this winter. I am going to need a place to practice what I am learning and what a better way than on pictures of the dumplings? You might get annoyed with me, but I’ll try to take pictures worth looking at.
Above is the first installment, which was actually taken by Jonathan’s Aunt Sharie on New Year’s Day. I just love their eyes. I think they are talking to angels … or the ceiling fan. They seem to be one in the same for them. The conversations they have with ceiling fans are something …
Today I took my third yoga class since bringing the Dumplings home. I was running late and had to pump before I could leave. My first thought was — I’ll start yoga again when I get everything done — and then I paused, laughed and thought, “It’s never going to be all done. Life is never all done.”
With that statement, I left for yoga and arrived ten minutes late.
The world did not end.
But while I was in yoga a very interesting thing happened on the mat. I was struggling. Really struggling. I had to admit I am a very long way from where I was at Day 67 on the mat. After all, I had stomach surgery — I cannot even feel all of those muscles yet. I am lactating. I cannot even begin to explain how out of whack this makes my chest and upper back.
It’s deceiving because I am actually smaller than I was before I was pregnant. But after today I had to admit I needed to take baby steps. Small accomplishments every day equal big accomplishments down the road.
In a nutshell, I have lots of goals for 2014. In November of 2012 when I started 60 Days On the Mat, I started with the goal to get UN-organized. To stop obsessing. Or obsessively writing lists, to be precise.
In 2014, I need to get organized without obsessing because if the past three and half months have taught me anything — it’s taught me that this ship will go down fast without some order in place.
It’s not that I am an un-orderly person. In fact, I am quite orderly about many things. I’ve never had to run a household that called for this much simultaneous order before.
After weeks of struggle — and two visits from my own Mom — it seemed as though overnight I found a solution.
I became my mother.
Suddenly everything needed a place. The only time I felt completely calm was when she was here, so I had to make up for her absence by trying to remember the things she had suggested when she was here.
After years of making fun of my Mom’s obsessive neat gene; it felt like overnight I embraced it as my own. Suddenly all that order in my childhood home made sense. My Mom made complete sense after 44 years. I didn’t need Martha Stewart’s Book of Homekeeping (though it contains many useful tips) … I just needed to listen to my Mom.
She must be gloating as she reads this. Even my aunt remarked, “I see and hear your mother when you talk … “
You live with someone long enough. You watch them often enough. Eventually, even through time and distance — it’s bound to sink in. Having twins did it. They are my little muses for order. We are all calmer when I have it.
I just hope I don’t drive them nuts.
So this year I’ll be blogging about many adventures of twin motherhood — possibly even organizing said life.
I’ll be taking a lot of pictures. Here’s Day 2 of The Daily Dumplings:
I’ll be filming some videos because I am told the boys will love watching these as they get older. I’ll be cooking some Texas grub from the Homesick Texan. I’ll be going to yoga. I’ll be working. Hopefully, we’ll be moving … somewhere.
We outgrew this house before they even got here.
I’ll also be doing a lot of laundry — though I’ll spare you laundry talk whenever possible.
My number one goal is to be the best mother and wife I can be — with that as my focus, all the rest will hopefully fall into place.
Just a note for my regular Facebook readers — I am not going to put every post on my personal Facebook page; just the weekly Dear James and Jackson letters. So if you have not already, please like the Terrilox Facebook page or subscribe via email and you’ll get an update each time I post.
I want to take a moment in the new year to thank my friends and family for reading my musings for more than a year. You kept me going when I otherwise might have stopped — and for that I will be eternally grateful.
I hope all of you have a wonderful 2014. I hope you’ll come back and visit whenever you have time.
Love and Hugs —