Terrilox

Week 24: Yes, I Am Your Mama.

BY: | DATE: 23 JULY 2013 | CATEGORY:
Week 24 Pregnant With Twins

Week 24 — Twin Pregnancy

This is the longest I have gone without writing since I started writing regularly last November. There are several reasons for it (work, nausea, extreme fatigue) — I won’t bore you with the details.  I am going to post a lot this week because I have to catch up on so much from the month of July.

I have been writing, but not publicly.

A part of my creative pause came when I got an email just after the 4th of July.  I didn’t know the person, but she proceeded to tell me (in what she thought was a nice way) that she thought the way I was choosing to have my children was selfish.  Selfish because I was taking them away from their real Mommy and I was probably too old to manage two at one time.

I didn’t answer her back.  Instead I cried alone in the shower for three days, somehow taking what I knew to be completely false and allowing it to shatter my heart.  It brought a flood of things back to me from all that I had worked though during my 60 Days On the Mat.

It reminded me why some women choose to keep egg donation a secret, even from their children.

I almost deleted this entire blog.  It shook me that much.  Jonathan’s desire to be more private (even though he was completely supportive of my blog) was suddenly making more sense.

I retreated, went deep inside — went to more yoga, meditated, talked and sang to to my Dumplings.

It was an unanticipated set back, but one I quickly got past, while falling asleep standing up.

I thought a lot about what this woman wrote to me and then I deleted her email.  I did not need a record of such judgement.   My anxiety over it was not good for my sons, and instinctively I knew this.

I decided to write her back publicly, on this blog — with no intention of engaging her directly — but more to answer the question for myself and anyone else who may struggle with such demons.  It was not a question I was ever in doubt of — and any demons I may have once had, were long gone — but as you navigate the waters of creating your family in non-traditional ways, I think it is important to have answers to questions like these.

Dear Lady,

I can only call you lady since you did not have the courage to give yourself a fake name or even an initial.  It’s fine, I really don’t want to know someone like you, but I feel compelled to stand up for my family against your inane banter.

According to you it was not God’s will for me to get pregnant.  I don’t know if you ever heard the story about the guy who was drowning and waiting for God to help him.  God sent all sorts of vessels to rescue this poor fella and yet he refused them all waiting for God and ultimately drowned.  When he got to heaven he asked God why he did not help him, God said, “I sent a speedboat, an ocean liner, a dinghy and a helicopter.”

You see, rather than sitting at home childless and depressed — knowing the odds of it happening were so slim — I found the courage to seek out help.  I did whatever it took to secure that help spiritually, emotionally and financially.  Through that help, I now have two sons growing in my womb.

I will never believe these exact children are missing their real Mommy.  They certainly aren’t missing their real Daddy.  If you want to get technical, these exact two eggs would have been discarded through the monthly cycle of my donor.  Most likely, they would never have become anyone, which is what happens to almost all of the eggs women are born with. 

Did you take a health class in school?

These exact two eggs would never have been joined to create two perfect embryos and ultimately the two beautiful little souls I am growing in my womb.  In short, they are not missing anyone, they exist because we wanted them more than anything else in the world.  How lucky to be a child wanted more than anything else in the world. 

As for age … I am in a much better place today to be a parent than I would have been ten years ago.  It may not appear perfect, but I believe, perfection, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.  

All I will say in closing is I believe God gives us the children we are supposed to have if we want children, like He gives us the lessons we are supposed to learn and the gifts we are supposed to share with the world.  I believe there are challenges we all face in life, obstacles we must overcome, things we must learn (sometimes over and over again) — and the parents, siblings and families we pick for ourselves before we are born are all part of that journey. 

These two little boys chose us as their parents.  I am their Mama and I always will be. 

The Girl Who Likes Chicken n’ Dumplings will always be a blessing; she is the dinghy God sent me while I was drowning in the sorrows of an empty womb. 

Sincerely,

Terrilox

It was hard to write this post, but somehow I had to put it out there before I could move to the next post and the one after that.  I believe our souls connect us more than genetics and it is not just because of my situation.  I have always believed that.  These little boys picked me as their Mama despite genetics and I plan to be the very best one I can be.

So, that is what happened in Week 24.  I have more to tell the boys, which will come tomorrow.

Today I am 27 weeks and 2 days pregnant.  I feel like a beached whale because they are pushing so hard on my upper organs.  Especially the ones I breathe with, you know, the lungs.  J.P. and J.R.  (yes, those are the official initials) weigh 2 lbs 8oz and 2 lbs 10 oz.

They are very healthy and apparently they like to keep their heads quite close to one another. I often wonder what they are whispering about?  I wish they would not do it at 3:00 in the morning.  I suppose they are getting me ready for the next chapter.  The one where I get no sleep.

Jonathan and I started our childbirth classes on Sunday nights — which are surprisingly great.  We take them with my prenatal yoga teacher, Robin Gruver at Birthing With Wisdom.

I finished editing 70 videos for ASCO.  I went on a yoga retreat last weekend — giving me a great exclamation point to my yoga-fertility journey.

There is a lot to tell you.  One of the most important things is I will be launching a new website design in a few short weeks — something I am very excited about.

Nausea and vomiting (among other pregnancy symptoms I could do without) have reemerged this week, but I’m trying not to let them get me down.  They are, however, making me exhausted.

My Mom arrives in early August and the nursery set-up will begin.   There is not only a lot to catch up on, but as we enter this final 10-12 weeks of pregnancy, there will be so much to share!

I have received so many texts and emails wondering if everything is okay because this is the longest span I have gone without writing.  I guess I needed a mental break to get geared up for this final ten to twelve weeks. I also need to go to the post office and purchase stamps for my remaining thank you notes for the Texas shower.  If you were there, please forgive me, my inability to get to the post office is a habit I picked up from my mother — I blame it on her and the heat.

My goal is to keep the boys pushing on my internal organs until at least September 28th (37 weeks), though Dr. D thinks I can do more.

We’ll see …  he’s quite ambitious, that one.  But then again, so am I.

So in a nutshell, I’m back.

Much Love & Many Blessings,

Terrilox

9 Comments

  1. Kate says:

    Dear Terri,
    You wrote a beautiful post. I applaud you. I am also 43, and just got pregnant with twins via egg donation. My husband and I are ecstatic and I will not let anyone take that away from us and neither should you.
    Hang in there, and good luck!

  2. FM says:

    Terrilox, I am sorry for the bump in the road provided by someone behaving in a less than Christian manner. And I needed to tell “Lady” that I am even older than Terrilox & conceived my child the old-fashioned way. And I have a friend even older who just gave birth to a child conceived the old-fashioned way. So if God doesn’t think we’re too old to have children at this stage of life, who can assume that God doesn’t want Terrilox to have a child at her age? And “Lady,” you may or may not agree with her choices, so feel free to make your own, but I’m thinking God would be less than happy with someone who picks on a pregnant gal. So maybe you should consider trying to walk the walk before you talk the talk. I will pray for you, “Lady.”

  3. Alicia says:

    This moved me beyond words. Your boys are beyond lucky for the amazing life you’ve given them.

  4. Terrilox Terrilox says:

    Kate, how beautiful and congratulations! I can honestly say it was the best decision I ever made. I wish you and your family many, many blessings in the coming months! FM, I agree with all of it. There are many older women that get pregnant the old-fashioned way. Age is just a number, but your decline in fertility is a scientific fact, so I am content with the choices I made despite “Lady” or anyone else like her. Alicia, thank you. I truly hope so. XOX

  5. mountain mama says:

    Your boys are so blessed and so are you and Jonathan -as well as we who have been privileged to tag along on your journey. You are loved, kid- and so are your precious lads. Alas, in the open sharing of your profound adventure you picked up a whining,religiously hypocritical, judging snit along the way. If your hormones and your body were not so totally involved in making children you would laugh her off and you are wise to kick her sick comments to the curb and keep your lovely eyes on what matters. huff huff huff.

  6. Bridget Merrill says:

    My little tootles, that woman has hate in her soul to be mean to such a wonderful person as you. I know you will be so blessed with your boys just as I am! Love you aunt b

  7. Katherine Price says:

    Terry, that sort of thing is an occupational hazard. And the more public you are the more it will happen, so be prepared. Anything public brings that on. And remember most of it is not about YOU. It’s about them, they just turn it around onto you. So a return to sender would be the most that should be done with them in my opinion.
    In lady’s case she gave you a last glance back at your old self, and you got through it. I wish the same enlightenment on her! Along with the education she missed in health class.. ;-)

    Now the important part. I believe that conception is controlled by the soul that is meant to merge with that particular baby, to be with those particular parents and have specific soul chosen siblings and other key life people who will come in by plan. Souls don’t just float about and choose the nearest conception. If these eggs had been kept by the donor and HAD been fertilized, (rather than going down the toilet drain as most do), they would have different souls, (let alone different fathers). Different genes (of those available) would have been activated by the souls in order to best carry out their life plan, and with all those differences the look of the body would be completely unrecognizable in any way by anyone.
    So when the question has to do with who is their mommy, there is NO question. And if God had not intended it it would not have happened.

    Now to lady, I hope you are as wonderful a mother now or will be one day, as Terry and Jon will be. I know them. Do you? Babies the world over would benefit from parents like them. If I were God, I would be grateful for their willingness to raise two beautiful souls who will add LOVE to the world, because they will have been loved. It’s people who can’t give loving nurturing enriching homes to children that are creating so many problems today. So relax. This is not where God’s problems lie. This is where love and two beautiful blessings reside.

  8. Regina says:

    Terry, your post is simply incredible. I hope it gets picked up hither and yon and you become a celebrity for motherhood – all babies should be so wanted as yours are.

    I wish for you an uneventful remainder of your pregnancy, and an easy delivery. Oh, and of course, nice, sleepy babies :)

  9. Terrilox Terrilox says:

    Thank you! Thank you! — I have just seen all of the new posts today from Mountain Mama ;-), Aunt Bridget, Katherine and Regina. The support for this particular post has been pretty amazing. Thank all of you for the support and the incredible words of wisdom. xo, terry

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