Today you have been doing back handsprings in my belly … at least that is what it feels like. I posted my weekly pregnancy pic yesterday. I am really starting to look and feel extremely pregnant. We are not quite half way there, but we will hit that mile stone while in Chicago at our annual American Society of Clinical Oncology (ASCO) conference on June 2nd. Your Mama produces and edits educational oncology videos as one of her many jobs.
Your Daddy and I will both be there. He didn’t want us to travel alone. Isn’t that sweet? You do have the best Daddy ever.
Every day I keep looking down at my belly wondering if it can really stretch far enough to hold 14+ pounds of babies? If what you’ve managed to do so far is any indication of your stretching abilities, I am really in for it.
Your Daddy and I have a friend named Jeff and he has a twin brother. When they were born one brother weighed 8.75 lbs. and the other weighed 9 lbs. At the time they were the biggest twins born in California and they were delivered naturally.
I hope to deliver naturally if you can get your heads going in the right direction at the right time.
I’m begging you, please don’t get quite that big.
I do hope y’all are getting enough to eat. I am sincerely trying, but I don’t feel as though I am succeeding as well as I should be. I did manage to get butternut squash soup and one fish taco down today after yoga. You were very hungry.
Every time I get my stomach full (which does not take long) within less than two hours I am dry heaving and nauseous. NOW I know this means I need to put in some more food immediately.
If I wait, the situation gets really ugly.
That’s probably not anything you or anyone else wants to read, but it’s the unfortunate truth.
Enough about food.
Every week when I start your letter I have mulled it over long enough to have some idea of what I am going to write, but not completely. Sometimes I find inspiration as I go though my day. This morning I came upon this quote as I was scrolling though my morning news feed, newspapers and blogs:
“To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it.”
I hope you learn this and I hope you learn it early. I can’t tell you how much easier life is when you are able to let go. It’s hard sometimes, because people do hurt us (intentionally and unintentionally). Eventually we have to make a decision as to whether we want to move past it and stay connected or completely let them go.
It’s one of two choices, really. Anything in between the two and you are remembering it and remembering it and remembering it … avoid reliving the mess and try to let go at all costs if you can. Some situations are tougher than others, and I’ll confess — I am still a learner and not the master.
Just remember, reliving is a life-waster and you can get stuck there.
Though I’m admittedly not a master, I’m not a grudge holder. Your Mama is the sort of person that wants everyone to get along. I want the big family and friend Kumbaya circle. I hate friction. I hate tension. Holding a grudge is like holding a noose around your own neck. What I’ve learned over the years is not everyone wants to be in my Kumbaya circle; not everyone can let it go. I don’t force it anymore.
As parents, we never really know what kind of a personality our kids are going to have. I think some of it is preordained before you even get here — a little genetics and a lot of divine intervention. But a bigger chunk is molded by experiences and circumstances of life. I am so curious about my two little Dumplings.
I say it every day — I can’t wait to meet you.
One of the projects I am working on for you now — besides your baby blankets — is family picture books. I found these cardboard books that allow me to create the book. I am making picture books of all the members of your family. One set for each of you. The pictures will be all your grandparents, cousins, great-grandparents, aunts and uncles — all the people I think you need to know and remember.
There is one very special woman I want you to remember today. As I continue to grow my little Dumplings, I think of her almost every day. To me she was Mamaw Wines — but she was born Lottie Selma Holland in 1893. She is your great-great-grandmother.
Why am I singling her out?
She had TWO sets of twins delivered at home, naturally in the 1920’s. Of course, the only place to deliver a baby in the 1920’s was at home naturally.
When I think about her, I know we can do this — not at home, of course.
I keep wondering if I inherited my good uterus from her?
Mamaw Wines had a set of boy-girl twins named Minnie Bell and John in 1921. In 1923 she had a single little girl named Ida Katherine. In 1925 she had another set of twins — this time girl-girl — Lucille Laverne and your great-grandmother, Louise LaRue (she will be known to you as Mawmaw).
For the record, Mamaw Wines was not the only twin breeder in your family. Mamaw Wines married your great-great-grandfather, Frank Wines. I don’t remember him, but everyone called him Grandpa. His mother (your great-great-great grandmother) also had fraternal twin boys and he was one of them!
So you see, when people look at me funny for even dreaming that I might be able to have a natural birth for the two of you, I just think about the cloth I’m cut from and try to focus on what’s possible. Creating you to grow inside of your Mama was a miracle, but it was not at all natural. I guess I’m hoping the ending can be as natural as possible. Obviously, I am not so married to this idea that I am willing to sacrifice our health, but it would be nice to have a couple of baby Dumplings heads moving in the downward direction as we get closer to the finish line.
Just know, however you end up getting here — it will be by far the best day of our lives so far. That much I know for sure.