Terrilox

Week 4 — Tri-One: So Far, So Strong 1221

BY: | DATE: 13 FEBRUARY 2013 | CATEGORY:

Terry, your HCG level is 450.

Is that good?

Yes. Very strong.  We would like to see it double in two days, so come back in on Wednesday. 

These little chicken n’ dumpling babies exceeded expectations for test number one.  My beta, which is the testing of the HCG (aka “pregnancy” hormone) in your blood was one day late because the official testing day fell on a Sunday.  My doctor likes to see it above 80 or so for the first one.  450 definitely qualified.

It has been an overwhelming couple of days.  I am already nesting.  I woke up this morning and redesigned how the entire house needed to be set up so we didn’t have to move out of this house before we decided where we wanted to buy a new house.  And yes, I made a list.  It was masterful.  It’s just an observation, but I might be making Jonathan nervous.

Do we want twins?

Of course, we want twins!  Double the pleasure!

That could be harder, don’t you think? — he replied only slightly terrified.

You’re mother has told me personally she is ready for the challenge.

Today I went to acupuncture where I will go once a week for the first trimester.  My body feels like blood is rushing through it at rapid speed.  Everything feels faster, almost making me dizzy.  I can’t explain it any other way.

I am most definitely pregnant.  I feel completely different.

As I was lying on the table, blood pulsing through my body, I saw two babies clear as day.  Their sex was alluding me somehow, like I wasn’t supposed to know that yet.  I saw the backs of two babies and their little bald heads in my completely re-organized house.  Two babies.  Two perfect dumplings.  When I woke up my mascara had stained my face.  More happy tears.

When I started the car, George was singing the last verse of I Saw God Today.  This time it was not corny.  It was perfect.  I just sat there and cried; smiling.  More happy tears.  It’s going to take me awhile to believe there is life growing in my belly.  In the meantime, I think I need to invest in some waterproof mascara.

Terry, your HGG level is 1221.

I almost fell out of my chair when she told me the next number.  That was more than doubling in 48 hours.  Really strong.

Since two dumplings were put in, for the time being I’m assuming two are kicking around in there.  Two babies.  Hopefully my uterus is as awesome as I am told, and these little dumplings continue to grow at a record setting pace.

I’m going to be happy no matter how many are in there, but I don’t want to discount anyone.  Everyone has a shot.  We’ll find out how many Wilcox babies are growing on February 27th.

Before I go any further with baby-growing stuff, I want to talk a little bit about infertility.  I struggled — we struggled — for more than three years and it seemed like an eternity.  Two friends of mine from college battled the infertility monster for eleven years.  Yes, you read that right.  Eleven very long years before their babies finally came home. That takes some special parents.  Speaking from experience, it can take a toll on any relationship.

I thought just over three years was about all I could take.  And yet, I don’t know that for certain because I believe the longing to have a child can push us past — again and again — what we think we can take.  If you have the pull to be a mother, you can take quite a lot.  Infertility definitely shows you what you’re made of.

There were times I wanted to give-up, but I never did.  I didn’t because of all the other women out there struggling with infertility willing to share their stories; willing to share hope; willing to pull me off a ledge with some rational comment; not helping me verify my crazy.

There is a lot of crazy-making that goes on in the mind.  Desperate hearts and minds are crazy hearts and minds.  I’ve wanted a lot of things in my life, never anything that brought me to my crazy or my knees quite like this.

I just had to acknowledge that by comparison to many women out there, my journey was short.  I know that, and I thank God for it.

Could you have triplets?

Well, there is a small chance, I replied.

Did they put in two or three?

Well, two, I said, but with IVF if you put in a 5-day embryo blast, there is a higher percentage that one of them may split into identical twins.  The second blast could also attach giving you three babies.  But, I’m not worried about that.  My doctor said the percentage is small. 

Well, we’re ready.  We can just buy three of everything, my mother-in-law replied.

No one is excited around here.  No excitement here at all.

One Comment

  1. anne mcquary says:

    Terri, I know this is going to happen for you and your husband. You wrote “And yet, I don’t know that for cer­tain because I believe the long­ing to have a child can push us past — again and again — what we think we can take.” Motherhood does the same thing. You are being forged now, not of steel, but something more durable, and pliable, and hardy, and yet soft to the touch. It never stops. I marvel at how much my boy (my ONE boy – my hat’s are off to mothers of many!) has molded my being, my heart and soul; and yet I’m told by others with more experience than me that it never stops. Even when they are grown and out on their own. You have exactly the right material for this, you are being forged and formed and I cannot wait to see you as a mother!

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