Terrilox

60+ Days On the Mat: From Beginning to End

BY: | DATE: 12 FEBRUARY 2013 | CATEGORY:

Now that I am moving into the next chapter of this journey, I have created a post with links to 60+ Days on the Mat from beginning to end.  I became more open with each passing day because I needed to, but also because very few women are willing to talk openly about using an egg donor. It often creates shame where none should be.  Each entry can stand on its own, but the journey makes a little more sense read in order.

On November 3, 2012, I received the call that the final in vitro fertilization cycle (IVF) with my 43-year old eggs had failed. To have the baby my husband and I longed for, I now had to choose between an egg donor and adoption. Unable to let go of the idea of carrying a child, I turned to egg donation – and yoga — as the answer.

On November 16, I attended a yoga retreat after more than a seven-year absence. What I wrote upon my return opened the floodgates of years of infertility anguish. Regular yoga classes followed.

After selecting our donor, I decided to attend yoga classes for 60 days in a row and to blog about the experience. On Monday, November 25, I wrote the first post, titling it 60 Days on the Mat – Day 1: Get UN-Organized.  

Ultimately this memoir was nothing about getting organized or unorganized, but instead about letting go. It became a gathering of the stories and the memories of my life as an only child. As it progresses, I find myself replacing the sadness over the demise of my genetic line with the excitement and anticipation of something deeper and richer – the belief that a Mama will be blossoming.

What started as a superficial time-filler while waiting to begin my egg donation cycle developed into a memoir chronicling my life and culminating with my true acceptance of my egg donor and ultimately, the complete surrender to what is and what will be.

By the time of my last post on February 1, 2013, the embryos were put back into me. I felt so ready to be a Mama. On February 11, after 67 days on the yoga mat and 10 days of waiting it out for the test, I got the news: I am going to be one!

This and THAT.

Chicken n’ Dumplings With Gratitude

60 Days On the Mat

Day 1: Get UN-Organized

Day 2: No Biscuit Cutter Required

Day 3: Live Like You Were Dying

Day 4: It’s Raining Chaos, I’m Going To Yoga

Day 5: Getting Connected

Day 6: Where Are My Familiars?

Day 7: Community Rebirth

Day 8: Just Being

Day 9: Release Into It

Day 10: And So It Begins

Day 11: Forgiveness

Day 12: We’ll Always Have Amsterdam

Day 13: Then You Stand, Yes.

Day 14: Looking Back Laughing

Day 15: Chapter Closed

Day 16: Aunt Viola’s Shoes

Day 17: Move Over, Fear

Day 18: My Children Will Starve

Day 19: In Search Of Grace

Day 20: Before We Turn To Stone

Day 21: Traditions

Day 22: Don’t Wait To Live

Day 23: Empty and Mundane

Day 24: History In the Making

Day 25: Don’t Over Think It

Day 26: Stories, Stories, Stories

Day 27: Look Beyond the Backyard

Day 28: Happy Birthday, Mark

Day 29: Christmas Eve

Day 30: Christmas Day and I’m Half Way!

Day 31: Meaningful Happiness

Day 32: If Heaven Wasn’t So Far Away

Day 33: Tall Terry From Texas

Day 34: In Memory of Charles Scott Turner

Day 35: Age Is Just a Number, Isn’t It?

Day 36: New Year’s Eve

Day 37: New Year’s Day, Old Songs and Old Friends

Day 38: We’ve Come a Long Way, Baby

Day 39: Could I Have This Dance?

Day 40: From the Moment Of Devastation

Day 41: Let. It. Go.

Day 42: See Me! See Me!

Day 43: It’s Around the Corner

Day 44: Yeah, My Jeans Fit

Day 45: Reflections

Day 46: I Love You, I Hate You

Day 47: Soul Connections

Day 48: Get Some Sleep

Day 49: What’s Your Story?

Day 50: Just Fishin’

Day 51: Every Day’s a Good Day!

Day 52: When You Say Nothing At All

Day 53: What Happened To Letters?

Day 54: Some Kind Of Ride

Day 55: Reach Your Heart Forward

Day 56: Role Models and Road Trips

Day 57: I Have a Dream

Day 58: Make No Assumptions

Day 59: Patient Eggs

Day 60: Head Full Of Doubt / Road Full Of Promise

60+ Days On the Mat

Day 61: A Dozen Eggs?

Day 62: Every Storm Runs Out Of Rain

Day 63: Dear Chicken n’ Dumplings Girl

Day 64: Chai

Day 65: Support

Day 66-68: The End Is the Beginning?

The Wait

The Wait: Update One 3dp5dt — Rhythm of Life

The Wait: Update Two 4dp5dt — Yeah, I’m Weird

The Wait: The Final Update

YES. The End IS the Beginning.

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