The last couple of days have been a little overwhelming emotionally (in a good way) and completely peaceful all at the same time. It’s as if I am in a movie about my own life. A cliffhanger, of sorts.
Today was my final check-up with my doctor before the big day. The Girl Who Likes Chicken n’ Dumplings will have our eggs removed on Sunday morning. Three days later than expected, but as far as I’m concerned, it’s all perfectly on time. My doctor expects to get 13-19 eggs, with a dozen growing in the right range. When I saw the number 12 added up at the bottom of the paper, I did a double-take in my head, but said nothing.
I had a dream the previous night about a dozen eggs. I thought nothing of it. It was a silly dream. A little girl was gathering eggs from chickens and she brought in one dozen eggs.
While on the acupuncture table — right before the appointment with my doctor — these farm fresh eggs came floating into my psyche again. An angel was holding them (yes, I know, my dreams have gotten pretty vivid on the acupuncture table … ) — but again, they were just regular eggs.
I thought my brain was trying to remind me we were out of eggs; in a colorful way.
We aren’t out of eggs …
Sometimes things are actually lost on me, and even as I type this, I am not exactly sure what it’s all supposed to mean, if anything.
As I went through the rest of the day, I found myself a little melancholoy. Not in an overly sad way; more of a big-sigh-of-relief- could-we-almost-be-there kind of way. It feels as if a weight had been lifted, and I’m hoping it does not come back down. And still, I’m not exactly sure how to be in the world without the weight, but I know I could get used to this feeling.
I went to the mat late in the day. It was my new Friday night class with Hayleigh. I was present trying to do everything with all the precision I could muster because …
Next Friday, February 1st my doctor will transfer our little embryos into me. Where they will hopefully grow into little Wilcox’s who love chicken n’ dumplings and yoga.
So I won’t be in Hayleigh’s class for a few weeks.
It will officially be 67 Days On the Mat.
I’m going keep my focus on our road full of promise.
I received an outpouring of love from so many people. People I had no idea were even reading the blog. People I barely knew. People I knew intimately — like Jonathan. I was never exactly sure if he was reading it. Some days he would say things and I would think, he read it today. But then I would say things and know he didn’t. I was never upset either way. I think he was just giving me my space. He was always cognizant of the fact that this road was mine, and he gave me the freedom to drive it as I needed to.
I liked the fact that I never knew. It was easier for me to write.
Oh, I will give you my eggs if it doesn’t work! Can I just give them to you? I will. I’m not using them.
I nearly cried when our waitress said this to me. Every Friday night — and I mean every Friday night — Jonathan and I walk to our neighborhood restaurant, Nicola’s Kitchen, for dinner. We are friends with the owner. We have our bus boy (Roberto) and our waitress (Kelly).
Kelly read the blog for the first time this week and was so thrilled when I told her why I wouldn’t be there next Friday night. She offered me her eggs if these didn’t work. I love that kid. I see so much of myself in her. She’s much too sweet for this town, but talented enough to take it on if she really wants it, and today she does.
She’s an actress; waits tables as her side job and the book she was reading …
The Way of the Happy Woman: Living the Best Year of Your Life. It was perfect. When I read the quote on the front of the book was written by Christiane Northrup … I felt like I was meeting myself at her age. Perhaps someone is out there whispering to younger women?
The unfortunate part was I read about the book and now I want to read it. It was by a yogi … have a reopened my self-help book curiosity?
We’ll see. Right now I am reading about decorating baby nurseries.
We actually considered going with an egg donor we knew. Cousins. Young Friends. But at the end of the day, I played out many different scenarios in my head. I went a decade into the future, read a bunch of stories (not good ones) and we decided anonymous was the best road for us. You pay a little more money, but the potential for headaches because of all the legal binding contracts goes way down. You just never know how someone is going to react when they see their little egg running around — and more importantly, they don’t either.
As we were getting ready to leave the restaurant, we found out Kelly was taking a bus home from work. I, of course, was not letting her take a bus from Woodland Hills to Hollywood at 10:30 at night. We drove her home.
As she was getting out of the car, she beamed, You guys are going to make the BEST parents! I’m so excited!
When the car door shut, Jonathan looked at me and said, People know everything about me now, don’t they?
Not nearly everything. But I made you look good. People think you’re amazing.
He is amazing.
He responded with a face that looked something like this: