What do you think about freezing your eggs?
You know, freezing your eggs for the future. Marriage is the furthest thing from mind right now — my friends and I were discussing this the other day. Just curious, have you ever known anyone to do this?
Apparently what constitutes polite cocktail party conversation topics with virtual strangers has changed …
I found this random question odd because she knew nothing about my situation, as she had literally just met me. It was just small talk at a party — like she was taking a poll about whether or not to freeze her eggs. She was 29, just finished her International MBA and was ready to take on the world. I sincerely hope she does.
Oh, to be 29 again. Not. at. all.
I simply told her had I known at 29 what I know now, I probably would have made such a choice. I recommended talking to her doctor about it. Maybe she will take my advice to heart and at least have a conversation with a professional — or maybe not.
My other piece of advice was to find the first decent looking man she sees and marry him.
Kidding. Really kidding.
The whole conversation was somewhat surreal. Life puts things you are focused on in your path somehow. One of the reasons I decided to talk openly about this was to bring an awareness to women in her exact age group. I was not overtly proselytizing as I thought I might be if given this opportunity. I think it’s because I am at peace with the path we are on, and I do not want egg donation to seem like a “less than” option — especially since I am in the middle of it.
The restorative yoga at home had been good for me the past two days. I was really feeling open in my low back and hips, taller even. When I went to the mat at noon, the nausea was mild, but still lingering. No, I’m not pregnant. It’s the birth control pills and now an additional medication I am on called Lupron, which continues to sync my cycle with the egg donor by suppressing my ovaries.
I also think my eat-whatever-anyone-puts-in-front-of-you diet has been a factor — which is about to end. Fortunately, I have gained no weight because of the yoga, but I don’t have as much energy as I do when I eat things like vegetables and fruit on a regular basis.
By the time I pushed back into the first downward facing dog the mild nausea had started to subside. I was feeling strong. Ellen always does a lot more holding of poses and balancing in the level 2 class than the quicker flow of the more advanced classes, and I needed this today.
As I was in side angle pose I started to think about the previous evening’s conversation. My age has been coming up for me a lot. If I’m lucky enough to get pregnant this year, I will be 44-years old when I deliver our baby. When the baby is my age, I’ll be 88 (if I’m lucky enough to get to 88). This does give me some pause, but not enough to keep me from wanting to be a mother more than anything else.
My parents were so young when I was born, and because of that, I had this huge gift of time with my grandparents when they were young, especially Mawmaw. Jonathan and I are lucky to have all of our parents, and even my step-parents (which to me are just bonus parents!). They’re not as young as my grandparents were when I was born, but they’re all here and all healthy. For this we feel incredibly blessed.
Age is just a number.
I can feel the intercostal muscles between my ribs stretching as I am twisting open in each pose. Mine are all jacked up, especially on my left side — which seems to be where I need the most “unwinding” in my body. Ellen says it takes years for these muscles to let go. This does not discourage me. I plan on doing yoga for the rest of my life, so I have years to work on it.
Even though we will be older parents, I think we will be better parents. For me, I know I will be a lot more patient, a lot more present — and hopefully a lot more fun than I would have been ten years ago. The next twenty plus years are going to be full of taking care of our children and our parents, but honestly, I would not have it any other way. For me, my family is the most important thing.
As we are in bridge pose, Ellen starts to talk about new year’s resolutions and how she does not make them because they set you up for failure almost immediately. Which is true, they do. Instead she thinks about what she would like to have ‘more of’ in her life — whether it’s health, energy, calm, love — whatever those things are, focus on those things you want to ADD to your life, and the things you want to get rid of will start to dissipate to make room for those things you’re adding.
I like this. The best reason is it requires no official list, but rather a shift in focus.
In shavasana I covered up from head to toe with a blanket. I know the rest of the country will laugh, but it has been downright cold in Los Angeles. I think back to one of my first yoga teachers. She was always talking about living to be 108 — the age of the yogini – three dasas. I honestly have no idea exactly what that means, perhaps I should do some reading before I go writing about it?
As I am lying there, I decide that seems like a good thing to strive for, living to be the age of the yogini — 108 … and then I let that thought float on past. It’s a noble goal, but the pressure!
Age is really just a number, isn’t it?
Instead I decide I’m going to live simply — just get up every day, live life and hope I’m granted enough time here to do everything I was brought here to do. That’s the most we can hope for, I think.
Happy New Year’s Eve, Y’all!