60 Days On the Mat – Day 12: We’ll Always Have Amsterdam


“Can you tell me how to get his schlong off of my Skype?” she asked me.

If I had had something to spit up I would have, but I was driving so all I could do was try to keep from killing us.

I really can’t believe she just said that — but then again, I can.  Women can be so crude when they are alone, and we were alone.  Before we even enter the restaurant she yanks out her iPad and asks me to remove  the avatar picture of the well-endowed fellow trying to connect with her on Skype.  The picture was something to behold — I see stuff like that and I know I am not crazy.  Good grief.

Somehow hitting delete was lost on her.  I know she secretly just wanted to show it to me. I would’ve done the same thing had this particular avatar been trying to Skype me. You could not help but laugh like you were 12.  We did.

I’m not sure why this scenario from a recent dinner kept cracking me up on the mat today. When I get over-tired, I get silly.  It was a very silly day.

Remember when I said hormones change like the weather?  Last week I retreated a bit, questioning everything, tonight I’m ready to go home and jump my husband.   Part of this is the fact I am on night eight away from home.  Hopefully  my hormones will help keep the remaining 48 days interesting enough, especially for my friend who reads this while drinking coffee.

I was back at Bikram this morning. It was the only studio with a class early enough to fit into my day.  Since Bikram is always the same, it’s easy to wander off in your mind, trying to distract yourself from the heat and sweat pouring off of your body.

As I was trying to do toe stand I thought about the night we were in Amsterdam.  We went to a coffee house.  If you can’t put two and two together on that one, then just know we had some really good coffee.  Neither one of us had ever been to such a place.  We finally found it by walking down the street using Google maps.  I will never forget that night because I do not think I have ever, ever, ever, ever (to quote the eloquent Taylor Swift) laughed so much.  Those poor Asian guys in the elevator.

For that night to come up in toe stand — it’s no wonder I couldn’t hold it.

I try to get all the laughs in with her that I can, even when she is jumping up and down on my very last nerve.  It’s easy for her to do.  We are as alike as we are different.  She is the only person in my life besides my husband that I can say, I’m having a meltdown right now, please don’t take this personally (insert rant here) and she doesn’t.

We’re heading to the coffee house and I’m dressed like a college kid and she is clomping down the cobblestone street in heels.  We finally arrive and she says, “We’re the oldest people here.” I said, “No, you’re the oldest person here.  You look like Jackie-o, I look like everyone else in here.”

Needless to say — as a unit, we stood out.  She can’t order food in a restaurant without a full inquisition, so you can only imagine a foreign “coffee house.”  Just the ordering was a comedy.  “We don’t want to go to sleep, we don’t want to be wired.  Definitely not asleep.  What’s in the middle?”  I just let her do the ordering.

Her cancer is metastatic, though you would never know it by looking at her.  I try not to think about that, instead I think about schlong Avatars and Amsterdam.  I think about how completely different my life would be without her in it.  I try to smile.  She’s fighting, so I fight — and today I laugh.

We’ll always have Amsterdam.

By the time yoga was over I had traveled around the world in my mind.  No babies. No ovaries.  Just exhausted silly.

When I think about her and all of the unknowns it puts a lot in perspective.  I cry, usually alone, because when I’m with her she talks about her mortality like the weather and I just slap her to keep from crying.

My sixth SABCS came to a close this afternoon and I headed back north to Austin.

Tonight I’m spending the night with my step-sister, her husband and my nephews.  The oldest is at a sleep-over but the 5-year old has let me have his bed.  They are adorable. Tomorrow we’ll have breakfast and hang out before I drive on to see old friends.

This closes day 12.  Monday night I’ll be back with Chaz in Westlake and home with my husband.  I really, really, really can’t wait to see him!

One Comment

  1. Stacy says:

    I can’t wait to see you on Sunday! Really, really can’t wait!

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