If you want to know where your heart is look where your mind goes when it wanders.
Where does my mind go when it wanders?
To about five-ten acres no more than 45 minutes from a major airport, with my husband, my in-laws, our kids (hopefully), our animals and a less stressful life than the one we live now. I want to raise our family, do lots of yoga, lots of writing, sing in the shower, grow a garden and get organized.
Remember that phrase, get organized. You’ll be hearing a lot of it.
Honestly, I don’t want much. (insert bad laugh track here)
Tonight I walked into yoga class late (probably because I was not organized enough). Chaz (the yoga instructor) always has a theme for the class. Today, because I was late, I had no idea what she was referencing, but the gist of it was that we have the power to tell the story we want to tell about our lives. We can tell the negative story or the amazing story. What story was I telling?
Today, I was telling a story of feeling completely overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with work. Overwhelmed (yet, completely excited) with the prospect of moving to another state, possibly even my favorite state (TeXaS!). Overwhelmed with trying to start a family. Heck, I was overwhelmed with the medicine schedule of my geriatric cat, Boomer.
The Story Of Overwhelmed was sitting on my nightstand, while I was in downward facing dog.
I was dripping — and I mean dripping, with sweat. As the flow continued my thoughts began to center on one particular phrase I say all the time. “I’ve got to get organized.” I say this to my husband. I say it to my mother. I say it to just about anyone who asks me what I am doing — but the person I say it to the most is myself.
As I moved through the class for ninety minutes, I was literally laughing inside at the realization of my newfound personal mantra that had been hanging out with me, oh, for about 37 years that I can remember. Knowing me, I was probably trying to organize something in the womb. My mother has actually pointed this out to me before, I didn’t pay attention. Does anyone pay attention to their mother all the time?
With each chaturanga “I’VE GOT TO GET ORGANIZED” became this giant flashing neon sign in my brain. Images of me attempting to get organized kept popping up from all stages of my life.
When I was six, I used to take a giant yellow legal pad and pencil out to the cow pasture with my Mawmaw. On this tablet, I wrote down the number on the tag in the cow’s ear and next to that number I provided a name for the cow. I was determined to give these cows a name. Only trouble was, at the time she had about 1000 cows and try as I might, and as cute as it was to watch me try, the cows were not going to answer to the name, Mr. Beasley, Mrs. Beasley, Buffy, Bob or the other 996 names I would be required to come up with to reach my goal.
I have always bitten off more than I can chew, or should chew — I was never going to organize them by name or anything else. I was six. They were cows.
That is my earliest memory of list making, but it continues to this day. My husband laughs at all the organizational lists piled up on my desk or floating in some basket throughout the house. It’s literally a comedy skit to read them out loud. I have lists for the past, lists for the future, lists for things I need to get done I still have not done. My lists need lists. The biggest drawback of list making is that you live under an illusion that the perfect life is waiting for you at the end of that list. If I actually got to the end of a list or could even find the list, I might be able to let you know if there is any truth to that. I actually think the real story is, the list keeps you from getting to the life waiting for you.
So why is this blog titled 60 Days on the Mat – Day 1: Get UN-Organized?
Besides all of the other stuff I “listed” at the beginning of this blog, the two main places my mind goes when it wanders that are within my ability to control today are the yoga mat and the blog. I’ve actually been doing pretty good with the yoga, which is why I think there is a surge in writing lately. As for the blog, I have been making a list about the type of blog I want to design and run with friends for more than a year. The fact is, I just need to start, to do – and lately the pull to do so has been pretty intense.
For the next 60 days the only two things on the list (the list I am not making) is doing yoga and writing about it. No thinking, planning, listing or organizing – just DOING. I am officially UN-organizing myself.
Do yoga and write every day for sixty days. The end. No other action required.
This does not mean I am not going to do anything else. I have a ton of work to do, and I will get it done. I am just not going to make a list about it. Or even think about making a list about it. For me, list making is a diversion tactic from the doing. I am just going to Be and Do.
One down — 59 to go.